Universal Life Goals

In my book, The Meaning of Life: A guide to finding your life’s purpose, I cover what people mean by “meaning” when they ask that question. The number one thing they mean by that is, “What goals should I have?” While “meaning” can refer to definition, purpose, significance, goals, or ethics, the one people most mean is goals. Why? Because everyone wants to know what they should be striving for, primarily because they are seeking to be happy and fulfilled with their lives and so want to know what they should do to feel good about their lives.

Now, the thing about goals is that they’re subjective. In fact,I focused in the book on the objective three meanings: definition, purpose, and significance. To those three definitions, the answer is objectively, “Growth.” Growth is the purpose of all life, defines what life is (check the dictionary to confirm), and is what everyone deems to be significant (that’s why we all admire large people, accomplished people, wealthy people, and famous people—because they all grew to become extraordinary people). But for this blog post, I’m setting that rule to the side. I will reiterate what I always do that I’m not telling you how to live your life or what to do with your life, but I will explain how goals work with regards to meaning and what yours could be and then, hopefully, you can then use that to select your own (you’re welcome to just take the list I give you, but they’re not tailored for you and I don’t guarantee that they’ll be right for you!).

So, without knowing anything about you, dear reader, how can I know your goals in life? Well, the same way that a fake psychic would be able to guess what your life is like to convince you that they’re real: the “shotgun” approach of trying several different things so it maximizes the likelihood of hits, and the catch-all approach of picking things that apply to everyone. Here’s a list of (near) universal life goals:

(note: “near” because there are always exceptions)

(Near) Universal Life Goals

• Physical Health – Barring people with disorders who want to blind themselves or chop their own arms off, everyone wants to be, look, and feel healthy. Some have high bars of physical fitness for this goal, while others just want to look good to attract a mate. Others just want to eat and enjoy food, sacrificing some aspects of physical ability and longevity for epicurean pleasure. You want to (re)gain and maintain health.
  
• Mental Ability – Outside of the rare exception presented in the House, MD episode where the patient of the week drank himself into a stupor to be happy with his spouse, everyone wants to be knowledgeable in areas that are of interest to them. For example, the intellectuals of the world want to know as much about their discipline as they can. Tradesmen need to know a lot about their trade as well, even if they admit to not being too interested in traditional school subjects like Math or English. The pursuit of knowledge so that you make good decisions in life is a noble one.
• Friendship (and Social Status) – Unless you’re a hermit, you’ll want to have friends. This means you’ll need to find people with similar interests and develop social bonds with them. For your own sake, if you find yourself trying to fit in with the “cool” crowd for looks but you have nothing in common with them, do yourself a favor and seek to find people you actually like to hang out with.
• Relationship – While humans come from competitive mammalian species where males compete over females and the best males get to reproduce a lot, civilized society allows for more monogamous relationships that can last a lifetime. So whether you are just looking for sex or want a life partner, relationships are generally going to be key to your life.
• Time with Family – The number one thing cited at the end of a career or life is wanting to spend (have spent) more time with family. Time with loved ones is considered precious, and the rewarding feeling of being around your grandparents, parents, siblings, and children (among other family members) is something that most people treasure.
• Wealth – Money can’t buy happiness, but it doesn’t hurt. The ability to work and provide value to others in exchange for money that you can use for the goods and services you need is critical to a sense of security and a good quality of life. I know that some people think that they just want the money without the work, but I will tell you that getting money without earning it, similar to drugs, gambling, or other addictive things, is more of a high than a sense of accomplishment. It’ll lead to pleasure but probably not fulfillment. I will also note that wealth is a means to an end: you don’t want to fill your bathtub with money and bathe in it (except for the feeling of being wealthy, maybe); you want to spend it on goods and services. So remember that this is more of a milestone toward other ends than a final goal. If you just go after money, it’ll never really be enough.
• Skill Development and Mastery – Excellence in a field of interest to you is a big-time goal. Everyone from Super Bowl-winning quarterbacks to attorneys to electricians like the feeling of being great at what they do. It’s why you see teenagers on social media playing a Guitar video game at 200% speed flawlessly after 10,000 attempts. The ability to challenge yourself and succeed at a lofty goal is a huge part of what makes life interesting and rewarding.
• Occupation – Having a good career is a good combination of the previous monetary and skill development goals, but I’m separating it out since there’s a social status element to it, too, and so it’s something that just about everyone wants. You want a good job that can provide for yourself and your family as well as give you meaning in your contribution to society.
• Rest and Recreation – While these are supporting elements (kind of like how wealth is a means to an end), I’m listing these here just so people remember to get them. It’s like remembering to take all of your vacation days off work so you don’t burn out. Getting enough sleep and finding engaging hobbies are key to keeping your health strong and your energy levels balanced (vs. highs and lows with sleep deprivation and caffeine, for example).
• Success – I’m putting this here as a reminder that, while you define success, success to you will likely be some combination of the above items. Remember that success is the attainment of the goal, while being successful includes making tangible progress toward the goal. Most people want to get the typical things that everyone else strives for like friends, a relationship, a family, a good job, etc., but you control the definition of success and so don’t have to be influenced by anyone else.
• Happiness and Fulfillment – I’m going to word this in opposite terms: no one wants to be miserable and unfulfilled. Therefore, everyone wants to be happy and feel fulfilled with his or her life. Just remember that this is an indicator more than it is a goal—if you try to make happiness a goal, you’ll try to shortcut it with drugs, etc. Instead, seek growth opportunities toward the above goals, and happiness will come to you as a result.

There are likely a couple that I might’ve left out, but those make a good starter set. Note that I didn’t put fame above because there are too many people who don’t seek fame for that to be universal. So, I put Social Status instead because everyone wants to feel important to someone else—even if it’s not to the level of fame of everyone knowing your name.

So, what can you do with this list? Well, it’s simple: identify which goals you want to have, define the specific goal within that category, and go after it! It’s that simple. If you want to make more friends, go to where people who share your interests are and talk to them! If you want a good/better job, start looking into your options! If you want a relationship, consider the various channels through which you meet new people where you can find a compatible romantic partner!

Because these goals are (near) universal, you’ll have many of the same categories that everyone has: you’ll want love of some sort, money of some amount, and engaging things to do with your life. You’ll want to spend time on things that matter or feel good. You’ll want to be good at something. Note that you might’ve either concluded through a bad experience or through social or educational means that some of those goals are impossible for you or not worth doing, but I assure you that if you neglect some of these areas because you think they’re not worth it but then feel like something’s missing in your life, that’s probably why. It’s why wealthy children often overdose on drugs and why lonely people who don’t get enough sleep often live much shorter lives. These things are just key to a long, healthy, happy, meaningful life. Yes, you don’t have to have the same goals as everyone else—you might want to live in a polyamorous relationship on a commune that shuns monetary currency, for example, and that’s fine if that’s what you want. You don’t have to have these goals be in the way that you think I’m defining them—e.g., wealth can be more than just money (it can mean assets, goods and services, etc.), and time with family could be living with your non-sexual same-sex life partner. It’s not for me to dictate your goals; I’m just stating these universal goals for those who want an answer.

Unfortunately, I can’t go so far as to tell you that you need to make $X by Y age with Z number of children and a home and two cars to be happy. Yes, there are common goals like the 2.5 kids, white picket fence, home, car, and spouse in the American Dream or retiring by 65 for the average laborer, but those are just averages for you to start from so you can get a feel for whether it’s right for you or you want something else.

So, go ahead and identify and define your goals starting with the categories above and deviating in the specific goal or category as you please. Strive to start a business, find a spouse, or master a trade if you so choose. Or, strive to live on a beach somewhere spending most of your time reading books in the shade. It’s up to you. But if you take one thing away from this post, it’s that you’re not really lost. You know what you want. You just either don’t want to admit it, don’t believe you can get what you want, or don’t know how to get started. So stop acting like you don’t know what you want and start acknowledging that you know that you want things in life and that you’re just scared to assert them because you worry about what others will think or that you’ll fail, and you’ll then break through the barriers to defining your goals. Once you get there, you can then do some research and figure out based on where you are and where you want to be, what can you try to get there. Just remember that all experience—whether it was positive or negative—can be constructive in how it helps you toward attaining the things you want in life. As long as you see your goals and know that each step you take on your journey helps you learn more about how to better get there, you’re going to be headed in the right direction.