I always wondered why there are so many holidays. Yes, I know that the primary stated reasons are to commemorate a person, event, or idea and to take a moment to remember them and what significance they have to your life. People can get caught up in their day-to-day lives and neglect things like their health, their relationships, and their well-being, and holidays provide all of those things.
But then I noticed something very specific about it: after a while, many people don’t even know why they have the day off from work. They just know that it’s time to take that extra day off and see what other folks who also have the day off are doing. Also note that some days like Christmas and Thanksgiving have more rigorous traditions (family, dinner, gift exchanges, and activities, for example) than other days like Flag Day. Then, I noticed that there are many sales around holidays—usually, due to people having a three-day weekend where they can go out shopping—but also that not everyone has those holidays off (e.g., President’s Day). The final thing I noticed that started bringing everything together was that people call each other more often around holidays—even if they’re working that day (i.e., going back to the point that maybe people talk more when they have more free time).
Then, I started looking around to similar behaviors. The most obvious one is the birthday: a holiday that is just another day on the calendar but represents your birth and so you get a day where everyone focuses on you: calls you, gets you a card or gift, and even sings to you and buys you cake. But it goes beyond there: “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere,” “I can study tomorrow,” “Calories don’t count on vacation,” “YOLO!” (You only live once!), and even, “I was just passing by…”
Putting all of this together, there’s an underlying theme cutting across all of those things: people are looking for an excuse—i.e., a reason—to do what they do. I never understood that before, as if I wanted to do something then I would just do it. It seems strange to need an excuse to do it. But then I realized that people need to understand why others do things, which is why someone has to have a reason to call someone else or a reason to celebrate. Most people can’t just say, “Tonight, we celebrate life just because!” and have it have the same weight as a special occasion. There’s a lot of underlying thought to the “good excuse” behind someone’s behavior. The better the reason, the more legitimate something feels—it literally gives something more meaning and significance! You can’t see that in a holiday like July 4th, which in the United States is an important day celebrating its independence, while other countries don’t give that day that kind of significance.
What’s even funnier is that people use “excuse” in a negative way with the title I used for this blog post: “Just looking for an excuse to punch someone,” for example, would mean that you want to do harm but want your action to appear to be justified to others. “What’s your excuse?” usually refers to what reason people gave for not exercising the self-discipline necessary to do what they should do. The idea of “an excuse” or permission to do something is powerful for both good or bad things.
So why am I writing this blog post on how you’re just looking for an excuse? Well, it’s the culmination of everything I just explained in one actionable conclusion: often in life, you’re just looking for a reason to do something. A reason to do good; a reason to do bad. A reason to procrastinate; a reason to celebrate. A reason to get up in the morning; a reason to stay in bed all day. A reason to try hard; a reason to relax. A reason to eat well; a reason to drink alcohol and eat poorly. You are literally looking for reasons to justify your behavior on a regular basis, and those reasons are what cause you to move forward and not hold yourself back. Sometimes, that can be a reason to behave well or poorly, or a reason to do the thing you have to do or the thing you want to do. Whether you want to quit your job, go on vacation, or see your family, you’re always just looking for an excuse to push you over the edge into action from just saying, “Some day.”
And so now I finally understand holidays. Yes, there’s pragmatism in a social group sharing a day where there’s a sense of community or family, common time off, and spending time with loved ones is made the priority. But even if that weren’t the case, there would still be the excuse. “Oh, I haven’t called my mother in a while; I’ll do it on Mother’s Day.” “I need a vacation. Oh, Labor Day weekend is in three weeks!” Yes, it’s the reminder—but it’s also the excuse.
So, what can you do with this information? Use it to your benefit! Look for the excuse. If it’s a positive reason, try to build it up to do the positive thing. Yes, Summer is coming up and you want that beach body! Yes, your cousin’s birthday is coming up and you should visit them and get them a gift! Yes, you’ve been working hard and deserve a short break! Then, when it’s negative, try to poke holes in it like it’s a flimsy excuse. “You’re just looking to procrastinate.” “You just want to stay in bed.” “You just want to use your friend’s pool table.” When you find yourself making excuses for your behavior that would otherwise be inexcusable, then you want to dismiss those excuses as just that: excuses.
So, yes, you’re always going to be highly motivated to do what you want to do, to do the easy thing, or to do the fun thing. Sometimes, that’s a good thing: you need to take time to be with family, to celebrate and enjoy life, and to rest. But other times, you are just trying to slack off. You’ll know when you see it. I once had an ex-girlfriend in college reach out to ask me about a red shirt she might’ve left in my room (she didn’t); clearly, it was a way to reach out and try to be friends again like we were before I asked her out. I wasn’t in the right headspace after that breakup to be a friend, but I never forgot that moment when I knew that there’s no way that she left anything in my place (I’d never even seen her wear a red shirt). The idea that an excuse makes it easier to do something is an extremely powerful insight in life, and I learned a lot in that moment about how reasons help us do things both good and bad in life. There’s even research on people letting a person cut in line for a copy machine over 90% of the time (vs. 60% in the control of just saying, “May I use the Xerox machine?”) when the person said, “May I use the Xerox machine because I have to make copies?” Think about how wild that is: there is literally no difference between the control and the test sentence except that the researcher explicitly stated the purpose of using the Xerox machine—there was no legitimate reason to cut in line like a business deadline or a possible missed bus. Even people doing favors are just looking for an excuse!
Whatever you do, try to pad your positive behaviors with great reasons and excuses to do them, and poke holes in any excuses you have to behave in ways that you’ll regret later. Make up a reason to talk to someone you’re interested socially or romantically; poke holes in the excuse you came up with to stand up your friend. If you look for and leverage the excuses you make for your best outcome in life, then—to paraphrase one of Maxwell Smart’s famous catch phrases from Get Smart—“you’ll be using this valuable motivational technique for good instead of evil.”