7 Techniques to Figure Out What You Want

There are many books on how to go after what you want in life. From specific step-by-step instructions in the how-to guides to more universal recommendations in philosophy, religious, and self-help texts, advice for how to get everything you want in life abound.

However, texts on how to figure out what you want in life are less common. There are books for what career you should go into like What Color Is Your Parachute? and relationship books for what you should want in a partner, but universal guidance for just picking something to do with your life is few and far between because the more general you get, the more vague it is. After all, can you really give universal advice that will help someone live a life full of drive and ambition toward major life goals?

Well, in this post, we’re going to try. We’re going to go through a list of techniques you can use to begin to find things you want to do with your life:

• Browsing (i.e., “What do I have to choose from?”) – If you’ve ever been with a shopaholic, you know that someone could have either everything they want or no idea what they want and still be able to go to a mall and find something that they want to buy. To find things you want, you have to be exposed to options so that you can see what’s possible. It is near-inevitable that you will find at least one thing that’s of interest.
• Process of Elimination (i.e., “What don’t you want?”) – If you’ve ever asked someone where they want to go for dinner, had them say, “I don’t care,” and then they immediately shut down all of your suggestions, then you know this one. People always seem to know what they don’t want—even when they seem anywhere from non-committal to clueless about what they do want. Therefore, if you are going to say, “I don’t know,” to yourself when asking yourself what you want, start listing things and eliminating the “don’t want” items. Whatever you don’t want to do is one fewer item you have in your world of options.
• Remove Limitations (“What’s possible?”) – Often times, people say they don’t know what they want when they really know what they want but think it’s not possible. So, by eliminating issues, you might find new paths to pursue. For example, if you want to start a business but don’t have the money, you want to start a business. The latter part is making you not acknowledge that you want the former part. So many “I don’t know what I want” thoughts are really “I know what I want but can’t have it” thoughts. Eliminate limitations, and you’ll find out what you want and can then work from there.
• Identify Alternatives (“What else is possible?”) – Even if those limitations are real, it might be that there are related areas that you missed because you dismissed the whole category of things. For example, if you play a sport but won’t make the professional level, you could become a broadcaster, a trainer, a manager, a coach, or an analyst. If you dismiss everything out of hand, though, you’ll think you have to do something you hate instead of something you like. This is both a technique that removes limitations and also surfaces desirable goals at the same time since the goal was not even on your radar in the first place due to the limitation.
• Focus on Outcomes, Not Means (“What do I want to get out of life?”) – Many people focus on means vs. outcomes, like picking a fulfilling job. But what will it get you? Maybe your real goal is to have a loving family, to pay for your children’s education, or to have as much free time as possible to climb mountains. If so, it’s possible that it doesn’t matter whether you like the job but rather that it pays for your desired life outcomes. As such, what you want is the outcome and what you’re doing to attain it is of secondary importance. By focusing on the thing, you paralyze yourself and lose sight of the thing that you really cared about.
• Experiment (“Just try it.”) – Some people are indecisive because they don’t know whether they’d like something. This is due to fear that they’re wrong or incomplete information. The only way to know whether you like something is to try it. There are plenty of examples of someone who thought they wouldn’t like a food but, because they tried it, ended up with a new favorite food. Some people are afraid of water and then fall in love when they finally try to swim for the first time. Oftentimes, it’s just that you don’t have enough information to know whether you want something and you just need more information and experience to understand.
• Go After the Basics (“Stall for time.”) – If you really don’t know what you want, sometimes it’s easy enough just to do what you know is good for you. Everyone generally wants health, wealth, friends, family, love, and mental well-being. So, you can just take actions to foster those outcomes. Eat healthy. Exercise. Go outside and get some sun and fresh air. Earn and save money. Maintain healthy familial and social relationships. Avoid alcohol and drugs. Do an activity you enjoy to give yourself a break. There are two ways that this can help: first, you might just need some time to think about it; second, you can only go after you want to the fullest if you are mentally and physically at your best. Therefore, if you’re uncertain in life, the worst thing you can do is use that as an excuse to downward spiral because then you couldn’t do anything even if you found something you wanted. Also, many times the things you want just require you to save some money or wait for the right opportunity, so just improving yourself in general will make you even better off than you are now at being able to act when the opportunity arrives.
  

So, if you’ve asked yourself, “What I want in life?” at any point in your life, you now have a list of techniques to get to an answer. There are plenty more, but these are powerful examples of how to break through uncertainty and address problems with your beliefs, point of view, or knowledge that might be preventing you from having the drive and passion that you wish you had in life. Try them for yourself and see what you come up with. If you keep spinning your wheels or give up, you won’t get anywhere.