Life is difficult, no doubt. You need to work to get the food, water, shelter, and other resources you need to survive, and then you need to avoid things that can hurt you, find people who can help you, and find things in life that help you realize your potential and fulfill you. While doing that, there are other people in this world with both similar and different wants and needs trying to meet theirs, and everyone wants to get as much benefit for as little effort as possible and so will try to find creative ways to get more from others than they give. Finally, we are all different in terms of genetics, meaning that we all have different capabilities and attributes that allow us to succeed in life and relate to other people. As a result, living together in harmony is a difficult proposition sometimes.
In that life, we all need to agree to rules to foster an environment where we can live together cooperatively and not harm each other. No matter what we do, however, there will always be conflict. That’s why it can seem overwhelming in an age where we have access to the world’s news and information at our fingertips. There is always a natural disaster going on, a crime being committed, a political battle going on, or a hot take being made somewhere in the world. In fact, the latter one is incentivized because more social media views and clicks equals more money for the sender. So, something bad is always going on somewhere in the world, and you’re hearing about it multiple times per day. This is combined with the few best people at anything (e.g., attractiveness, ability, personality) getting all of the attention and everyone else seeming average in comparison. It’s causing marriage rates to go down, money to flow to the few best or most popular creators or performers, and people to become more depressed as they don’t measure up to what they see on their screens or can’t get their dream person they saw in the digital world.
Enter the “black pill” trend: the idea that because of the above, we are screwed as a society (or even as a species). This is the conclusion that one might come to when they see all of this and conclude that they have no chance at doing anything in life. Unfortunately, if you think you’re screwed, you are—after all, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy that you realize by giving up and doing nothing instead of living your life. This perception—that bad things happen all the time and only a few people get everything while everyone else suffers—is poison and will cause you to become depressed at best and ruin your life at worst. If you fall down this hole, it can be very difficult to come back up.
So, what can you do about this? You need to fight this on two fronts: the digital world and the physical world. In the digital world, you need to understand how the algorithm works and use it to your benefit. The algorithms used on social media sites respond to your views and clicks (because that’s what gauges your attention for where to put ads and how many they can get you to see before you log off). So, you can do two things here: “like”, “share”, and “subscribe” to positive updates, people, and things and then mute, block, or hide things that make you feel bad. This includes content that feels good but makes you feel bad indirectly like following supermodels or other people whose lives make you feel either jealous or lacking/inadequate. It might even be best for your mental health to not have social media. In the physical world, you need to find positive people to befriend with similar interests as you who you enjoy being with. Additionally, you should work on things that make your life better and improve your capabilities.
What does this do? Well, there’s something called Social Comparison Theory in psychology. People compare themselves to others, and they want to be better off/higher status than others or experience FOMO or sadness if they can’t measure up or be part of the group. The more you compare yourself to others, the less happy you become.
Additionally, there’s something in psychology called the Availability Heuristic. The idea here is that you believe that things are more common than they are when you can recall them. Because bad news happening all of the world is constant, you begin to think that bad things are happening to everyone all the time when they are not. The average person only experiences a few catastrophic events in their lives, and their day-to-day lives are not too bad. Especially in the modern age where most people just have to perform basic tasks like cleaning tables to earn money or do the bare minimum to survive compared to millennia ago when people had to be on the lookout for dangers from predators to diseases on a constant basis (and, they only had about 30 years or so to live before they were killed by something). We are so much better off than any time in history, yet with all the disasters going on across the course of a year and our empathetic nature, we tend to feel like bad things are happening to us all the time.
The problem is, with a negative worldview, you are screwed. So you have to shift your attention to positive and constructive things in your life. You can’t control politics other than to vote or voice your opinion, so do those two things and then get back to your own life. You can’t control your genetics, so focus on finding friends and a mate that like you back instead of begrudging the most attractive people in the world for not wanting to be in a relationship with you. Stop begrudging wealthy people for being wealthy, as in a free-market system, they didn’t take it from you (in a system of government control like in Robin Hood with nobles, they did, so all you can do there is vote for no one to have the ability to take your money by force) but built and maintained their businesses. You can’t control random events, so all you can do is focus on being constructive (instead of destructive) in the face of them. This is the only way to avoid resigning yourself to a life of misery.
You can’t control the world you live in. You can only control yourself. If you don’t stop looking at the things you hate in this world, you won’t stop being mad. The human mind was not designed for that kind of constant negative stimulation. We are seeing quickly what it has done to society: more people than ever before are anxious or depressed, and more people are isolating themselves and experiencing negative mental and physical health outcomes. It is not the state of the world or “the system” or anything else. There are plenty of countries under far worse conditions than people in developed countries who are in much better spirits. They can live like that because they avoid this negativity that makes them miserable. You can do that, too. No, it’s not easy in this modern world (I, for example, have to go onto social media to post links to this blog—I occasionally succumb myself, unfortunately). No, you can’t live in complete ignorance in case there is information that will benefit you or negative information that you can, in fact, take action on. But you can minimize the negative impact that what you pay attention to has on you. Your life is mostly eating, drinking, maintaining your home, sleeping, working, and spending time with friends and family. It’s ironic that as we make those activities take less and less time, we choose to spend more and more time on things that make us miserable…but it is what it is (and, as I said, I am just as susceptible to it as the next person).
So, what can you do? Well, you can stop being black-pilled. There are so many good things about the world: we have cures or preventions to hundreds of illnesses; we have more leisure time than ever before; we have amazing inventions like water heaters and air conditioners that make us more comfortable throughout our day. For how hard life can feel, it is actually pretty easy day to day in the modern world when you have access to all of these conveniences. Go to the store to buy some groceries, come home and watch a movie on your streaming service. You don’t even have to stop at Blockbuster any more to pick up a movie—just scroll on your phone or TV and hit, “Play” to watch! Life is more amazing than ever before. You need to take some time to appreciate it, or you’ll be sucked into a void you won’t be able to get out of easily.
There is no benefit to a negative worldview. Negative beliefs are only beneficial if they prevent you from doing something that will hurt you. So, yes, maybe assuming that the woman or man you want to approach at a bar will reject you will protect you from the pain of rejection…but assuming that your life is doomed to misery and so you stop trying to develop your skills to get a better job is the hurtful behavior—you’re avoiding success more than you are disappointment with that attitude. I’m not going to give you the, “you miss out on disappointment but also miss out on success speech” here—you’ve heard that before, and telling a less attractive person to ask the very attractive person out as if it’s no big deal is ignoring the reality of the pain of social rejection. But what I can tell you is that there is nothing but sadness with the black pill attitude. It might cause you to stop wishing your life was better in ways you can’t change like wishing you had hair if you’re bald, but it also causes your life to get worse and doesn’t improve it at all. So you’re choosing to be depressed over something extreme like how you’ll never date Angelina Jolie (or Sydney Sweeney or whomever you want to put there). Yes, there are only a few 10s out there, only so many Ferraris, and only so many famous rappers or jugglers. But you don’t need that to be happy. You get happiness from living your best life.
Life isn’t what you see on a screen. It’s time with friends, time with family, and time doing things that you either enjoy doing or do to make your life better. For every video of a tornado is five of a pizza delivery man running into a burning building to save children. For every fake profile online (that’s probably a bot) is a real person who is also seeking friendship or companionship and is wishing to find someone just like you are. But if you’re both sitting in your rooms moping all day, you’ll never find each other. That’s the problem with the black pill trend: you’re missing out on life you could be living for a life that either isn’t even real or won’t ever come to pass.
So, “get a grip”, as they say. A grip on reality. A grip on what you can control. Focus on your life. Stop focusing on others’ lives. Stop worrying about things that are rare and start working toward things that you could attain or obtain with just a little bit of work every day. The only way to avoid the black pill is to empower yourself to make the world around you the way you want it. The wild idea to keep in mind is that that crazy stuff that bothers you will happen whether you pay attention to it or not, but it will only affect you if you pay attention to it. Think about that. Process that. Act in a way that reflects your newfound understanding of that. Use that insight to get back on track to a better life.