Figuring Out What You Want Is a Simple Algebraic Equation

People who are in a period of indecision or listlessness ponder what they can do to get back the motivation they need to live a more productive, fruitful life and feel more happiness and purpose. Fortunately, the means through which you can make that switch are pretty simple (not easy, but simple).

There are two mechanisms that you should be using to determine what you want:

• Your drive/impulse to take action toward a goal
• Your emotional feedback mechanism
  

The impulse is easy to see when it’s there: when you have to go to the bathroom, you get a strong urge to go. When you are hungry, you get a strong urge to find food. When your sex drive is turned up, you can’t stop thinking about the opposite sex. So you know the impulses when you feel them. It’s when you don’t that you aren’t sure what to do next.

Similarly, emotions are easy to see when they’re strong. If you eat ice cream and feel an explosion of pleasure, then you like ice cream and will have it on your list of possibilities the next time you are thinking about eating dessert. If you hug someone and feel the joy of love, then you’ll want to to it again in the future.

When you ask a question like what you really want in life, though, it’s because you’re not feeling that impulse or those emotions. The good news is that there’s a formula that you can follow to find what you want in life that’s as certain as 2+2=4:

Emotions = Desire + Belief + Experience

How does this work? Let’s look at a couple of examples:

Jealousy = Seeing a person/thing you want (desire) + Seeing another person have it (experience) + Believing that that person doesn’t deserve it and you do (belief)

Joy = Wanting something + Believing it’s great + Experiencing it

So, if this is a formula, let’s turn it into an algebraic equation:

e = d + b + x

You just need to solve for d. However, we don’t know what the other variables are, so you’d have to plug in numbers and see what you get for desire. How would you do that?

Well, we know that everyone’s goal is to experience positive emotions, such as joy, fulfillment, happiness, etc., so let’s put “fulfillment” as “e”:

Fulfillment = d + b + x

So, now, you just work back from that. Think of a time in the past where you’ve been fulfilled, and start plugging in what you wanted, what you believed, and what you experienced. Let’s say you felt fulfilled volunteering at a soup kitchen:

Fulfillment = d + b + Volunteering at a soup kitchen

What about it made you feel fulfilled? Probably because you wanted to help people and do good and believed that volunteering was doing good for the less fortunate:

Fulfillment = Want to help people and do good + Believe that volunteering is helping and doing good + Volunteering at a soup kitchen

There you go—you solved for d! Now, you just need to figure out which other variables you can swap out for “x” (experience) and still keep the equation true/balance. Maybe it’s:

Fulfillment = Want to have children + Believe your contribution to kids is meaningful + Having children

There you go. That’s all there is to it.

Your last question might be, "Okay, Nate, you explained this, but how do I find what I want most in life vs. just what I enjoy?" Well, I’m glad you asked. You might already know the answer:

• You want to know what you want in life—there’s your first desire! Curiosity = want to know what you want + believe you can figure it out if you investigate or ask others + experience researching the topic

• You need to keep changing the experience—i.e. exposing yourself to many different options and checking your reaction—to see how your emotions change, which will indicate whether you want the thing you’re looking at or not (or at least want to know more about it)

There you have it: You will know what you want when you have experiences that trigger impulses or desires in you to have future experiences that will lead to some form of growth. (example: go shopping, see a shirt you like, want to buy it, buy it, wear it, feel good about self and enjoy compliments received from others)

The exploration process should be fun and exciting, not overwhelming! Just believe that it’s a fun process, and you’ll feel better about it. Best of luck!